


Book Club

by cells55



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 05:53:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2013561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cells55/pseuds/cells55
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny needs something explained to him, and is deeply unsettled by the results.<br/>Spoilers, I guess, in a manner of speaking, for the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. (yep. you read that right.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Book Club

**Author's Note:**

> Many, many thanks to alittlenutjob for casting her eye over this for me. It's very random, but there you are. Hope you all enjoy! <3

Danny wandered into the bedroom, an expression of confusion and concern on his face. He kept quiet as he went about his usual routine - and Mindy knew better than to ask what was wrong for fear of interrupting the routine - before finally climbing in to bed next to her.

"Richie's at ma's," he said at last. "He just called."

"I know," she smiled indulgently. "I could hear you cursing out the Mets from in here."

Normally that would've provoked a response; not tonight. "He told me something, like it should _mean_ something, you know? But I don't get it."

She waited to see if he was planning to elaborate; he just continued to stare at the blanket covering his legs, obviously turning it all over in his mind. "What did he say?" she asked, with remarkable patience for the time of night.

"He said that ma has a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey on her nightstand." He met her gaze, clearly baffled. "Is that a book?"

"Oh, sweetie..." Mindy sighed, trying to hold back a smile. "Uh, yes, it's a book."

"About...what, decorating?"

"Not quite." He still looked perplexed. "How can you not have heard about Fifty Shades? It was a worldwide phenomenon!"

"If it's not a Ludlum, I'm not really interested," he shrugged. "What's the big deal with it, then?"

She took her hands in his, to try and soften the oncoming blow. "Babe, it's...basically porn. Soft-core, whipping and spanking porn for middle-aged moms."

The colour slowly drained from his face as realisation set in, and his eyes scrunched up in quiet horror. "Wait...my ma is reading porn?!"

"Well, it has a plot," she tried to reassure him. "Sort of. It's actually kind of addictive, in a really terribly-written way. You want to find out what happens next in spite of everything."

He hmphed indignantly, raking his fingers through his hair. "Have to be a friggin' great plot..."

There was a pause, and she watched him expectantly, knowing what was coming next. He was sweetly predictable like that - she could set her watch by his moods. Finally, with a slumping of his shoulders that signified the loss of something he may never get back, he gave in: "Okay. Tell me what it's about."

"Well, there's this girl, Anastasia, and she's like all hot but she doesn't know it, she's like a unicorn virgin girl basically," Mindy informed him brightly. "And she goes to interview this rich guy for her college newspaper, and he totally wants to bang her like, straight away, because, you know, she's so beautiful but ignorant to that fact." She rolled her eyes. "Nothing wrong with being beautiful and knowing it, in my opinion - it totally works for _me_."

"True," he nodded with some distraction.

"Anyway, he like, takes her out and then gives her a sex contract, because he has all these intimacy issues or whatever and wants to whip her, like, contractually or something. And she freaks out because she's never even been in a relationship before, but she does it anyway, because if the story ended there it would pretty much suck, right?"

"Right."

"So then they have _a lot_ of sex, and he whips her or whatever and she freaks out and leaves. And that's the end of the first book."

"Wait - that's all that happens in the book?" he frowned. "And there's _more than one_?"

"Trilogy," she waved her hand dismissively. "They get back together within about fifty pages of the second book, and then...what the hell happens in the second book?" A pause. "Well, more sex, obviously, plus she gets a job for this guy who's a total perv and thinks she's god's gift to womenkind, and who actually turns out to know the rich guy from - oh, yeah!" She just about paused to draw breath, clicking her fingers. "Forgot to say. He's adopted and fucked up and his mother is a literal crack whore."

"A what?! But - "

"Anyway, he was in foster care with her boss, and the guy's all resentful and shit, and they get married, I think in the third book, and then she gets pregnant and he's mad because obviously that had _nothing_ to do with him, asshole, and the boss kidnaps his sister because, well, why not? And Ana has to take the ransom money but she pretends to be breaking up with her husband, for reasons I forget now, and basically, it all ends up okay because her vagina has healing powers on his fragile emotional state and emotionally-abusive relationships are all the rage."

Finished, she sank back against the pillows, and tried to meet Danny's gaze again. The silence that followed was a fragile one; there was a whole host of emotions playing across his face. "So...my ma..."

Mindy cringed. "Yeah. She's reading a book with a lot of sex in it. Sorry about that."

Horror was the emotion that won out. "Richie _laughed_ when he told me," he croaked. "How is it funny? Why did I need to know any of this?"

"Oh, sweetie," she patted his hand. "I think it's best if you try and suppress this as far down as it'll go and move on with your life." She paused. "Really, the biggest shock is how long it took your mom to catch on. Those books came out years ago."

He glared at her. "Really? _That_ is the biggest shock?"

"Okay," she allowed. "Maybe not the biggest."

He slumped down, staring up at the ceiling. "I'll never sleep now," he mumbled. "I'll never sleep _ever again_."

"Don't be so dramatic. Just...think about something else."

"I don't think I can."

"Of course you can," she laid on her side next to him. "Hey, remember what Peter said about the Mets yesterday?"

He bristled. "I tried to forget."

"Let _that_ fester instead."

He sighed, a deep, weary sigh from a broken soul. "Alright." He closed his eyes. "Night..."

She smiled cheerfully, and closed her eyes too. "Night!"


End file.
